THE GHOST POOPIE
The kind where you feel poopie come out, see poopie on
the toilet paper, but there's no poopie in the bowl.
THE CLEAN POOPIE
The kind where you feel poopie come out, see poopie in
the bowl, but there's no poopie on the toilet paper.
THE WET POOPIE
You wipe you butt fifty times, and it still feels
unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between
your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them
with those dreadful skid marks.
THE SECOND WAVE POOPIE
This poopie happens when you've finished, your pants
are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you
have to poopie some more.
THE BRAIN HEMORRHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE POOPIE
Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Poopie".
You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn
purple and practically have a stroke.
THE CORN POOPIE
No explanation necessary.
THE LINCOLN LOG POOPIE
The kind of poopie that's so enormous you're afraid to
flush it down without first breaking it up into small
pieces with the toilet brush.
THE NOTORIOUS DRINKER POOPIE
The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long
night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the
tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after
you flush.
THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD POOPIE" POOPIE
The kind where you want to poopie, but even after
straining your guts out, all you can do is to sit on
the toilet, cramped and farting.
THE WET CHEEKS POOPIE
Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that
comes out so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed
with the toilet water.
THE LIQUID POOPIE
That's the kind where yellow-ish brown liquid shoots
out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the
toilet bowl, and at the same time,
chronically burns your tender poop-chute.
THE MEXICAN FOOD POOPIE
A class all its own.
THE CROWD PLEASER
This poopie is so intriguing in size and/or appearance
that you have to show it to someone before flushing.
THE RITUAL
This poopie occurs at the same time each day and is
accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.
THE MOOD ENHANCER
This poopie occurs after a lengthy period of
constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self
again.
THE GUINESS BOOK OF RECORDS POOPIE
This poopie is so noteworthy it should be recorded for
future generations.
THE AFTERSHOCK POOPIE
This poopie has an odor so powerful that anyone
entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is
affected.
THE HONEYMOON'S OVER POOPIE
This is any poopie created in the presence of another
person.
THE GROANER
A poopie so huge it cannot exit without vocal
assistance.
THE FLOATER
Characterized by its floatability, this poopie has
been known to resurface after many flushings.
THE RANGER
A poopie which refuses to let go. It is usually
necessary to engage in some rocking or bouncing
motion, but quite often the only solution is to
push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.
THE PHANTOM POOPIE
This appears in the toilet bowl mysteriously and no
one will admit to putting it there.
THE PEEK-A-BOO POOPIE
Now you see it, now you don't. This poopie is playing
games with you. It requires patience and muscle
control.
THE BOMBSHELL
A poopie that comes as a complete surprise at a time
that is either inappropriate to poopie (ie: during a
root canal) or you are nowhere near
poopie-making facilities.
THE SNAKE CHARMER
A long skinny poopie which has managed to coil itself
into a frightening position - usually harmless.
THE OLYMPIC POOPIE
This poopie occurs exactly one hour prior to the start
of any competitive event in which you are entered -
bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's poopie.
THE BACK-TO-NATURE POOPIE
This poopie may be of any variety but is always
deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind
the passenger side of your car.
THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN POOPIE
An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster,
often a gift from God when you actually can't poopie.
PREMEDITATED POOPIE
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.
POOPIEZOPHRENIA
Fear of pooping - can be fatal.
ENERGIZER vs DURACELL POOPIE
Also known as a "StillGgoing" poopie.
THE POWER DUMP POOPIE
The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your
pants down when you're done.
THE LIQUID PLUMBER POOPIE
This kind of poopie is so big it plugs up the toilet
and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have
followed the advice from the Lincoln
Log Poopie.)
THE SPINAL TAP POOPIE
The kind of poopie that hurts so much coming out,
you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.
THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY BUTTHOLE"
POOPIE
Similiar to the Lincoln Log and the Spinal Tap
Poopies. The shape and size of the turd resembles a
tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the
rectum for some time afterwards.
THE PORRIDGE POOPIE
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just
keeps on coming. You have two choices: a) flush and
keep going, or b) risk it piling up to your butt while
you sit there helpless.
THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" POOPIE
When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates
the insides of your rectum on the way out in the
morning.
THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" POOPIE
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that
look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds as
they hit the water.
THE "WHAT THE HECK DIED IN HERE?" POOPIE
Also sometimes referred to as the Toxic Dump. Of
course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom
odor. Instead, you stand innocently
near the door and enjoy the show as people come near.
THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE"
POOPIE
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the
last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now,
it's going to smear all over the place. |
